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| Rafael Lanfranco |
Dear reader,
This post is a bit weird. I'm not sure if I'm settled on the format (that is, this "letter from the editor" style), but, goddammit, this is my blog, I'm a star, and I can do what I want.
I'm delighted with the direction my blog's taken and the stuff I've been posting. I'm proud of it. Nevertheless, I've begun to feel like an outsider looking in. An anthropologist studying a group rather than participating in it. Granted, I'm still a "practicing" gyaru in everyday life, but I haven't documented it. I haven't posted pictures of my coordinates or even myself with friends in diary entries. I want to. Desperately. But recently, I've been feeling down about my body.
It's a number of things. I am 28 years old now, and my body has naturally changed since my early twenties. I also stopped taking birth control for the first time in 13 years, which has resulted in bloating, breakouts, and overall dissatisfaction with my body. I'm sure this is a temporary feeling (as most emotions are), but it's liberating to talk about. Even if I'm just yapping into the ether.
I don't want it to stop me. If anything, this'll be a good chance to practice some self-grace, self-patience, self-love. All those good things.
In times of doubt, I remember a passage from one of Carrie Fisher's memoirs, in which she discusses how insecure she was in her youth (particularly regarding her body image) but how, as she grew older, she came to cherish and respect her younger self. And you know what Carrie was like, so she framed it in that irreverent, self-deprecatingly funny way of hers, effectively chastising young Carrie for ever being so self-critical.
I bet I'll feel the same in a couple of decades. But in the moment, it's harder to remember.
I know you're asking why I'm telling you all this. To be completely honest, I don't know. I think I'm saying it to myself. This blog is essentially a love letter to me. By that logic, I am the object of my own affection. Therefore, I should treat myself and my body as a lover would.
I'll try to keep that in mind from now on. You should, too.
All my love,
Lexie
( > 〰 < )♡
I'd like to say thank you for this post. Seeing as I'm not the only one who has trouble with stuff like this is actually reassuring for me that I am normal. I am human. Falling in love with blogging and gyaru were the best things for me and helped me grow to love myself more. It's hard to do that in today's media-driven world. But if we stick to what makes us happy and continue to pursue our passions, we can make each day brighter and less stressful.
ReplyDeleteAlso thank you for reading my blog and taking the time to comment. Just wanted to let you know that I am now a follower of yours! Let's continue to do things for ourselves and our happiness :)
this is such a wonderful comment. thank you for leaving it :')
Deleteand i feel much the same! i'm glad we are of like minds!!
and let's absolutely continue doing things for ourselves!!!! it's what we deserve (っ´ω`c)♡